Seven signs you're ready to buy a house with your partner

Living in domestic rental bliss with your significant other, one question inevitably pops into the conversation: Is your relationship ready to take the home-buying plunge?

There are many reasons to say “I do” to a mortgage for two, from today’s ever-falling interest rates and skyrocketing rent, to the comforting warmth and convenience of having two sets of keys and a place to call your own.

Yet it’s also a huge commitment – emotionally, financially and time wise. The stress can take its toll on your relationship, so best ensure you have a solid foundation to begin with. Should you buy a place with your partner? Here are a few points to consider before even looking at the listings.

You’re solid

Don’t jump into the property game because your apartment is too expensive or you want to solidify your relationship status. Do it for the right reasons. The two of you should be so solid that you use “when” instead of “if” when you talk about the future, can work together to remedy issues, and can comfortably discuss who’s paying what bill. And if you think your sometimes-rocky relationship will be cemented by becoming fiscally intertwined through a joint mortgage, then you’re sadly mistaken. Buying a home together will merely highlight any fractures that already exist.

You’re both happy in your careers

Job stability is important if you’re going to pay back a mortgage together. If one of you isn’t happy in their current job, is tossing up going back to school, or is planning a career change, you may want to put the house hunting on the backburner. The transaction costs and market cycle means that buying makes sense only if you plan to stay put and settle down for at least five to seven years.

You know you can share space

As they say, try before you buy. This may mean living together for a few years in a rented apartment to test the waters and temper your expectations. The success of your cohabitation – which usually manifests itself in three years of harmonious Netflix viewing, toilet tag-teaming and IKEA furniture assemblage – then you may be ready to take the next step. As psychologist Jacqui Manning advises, “There’s no hard-and-fast formula for how to do things, but the commitment of renting may be more palatable to see if your relationship can last the long term, especially with the level of financial commitment buying a house entails these days.”

You have the same idea of what your first home ought to be

More than a third of estate agents think couples who are first-time buyers don’t share the same ideas about what they’re looking for in a property. When looking for your first home, prioritise your needs. Never mind the fact that you’re united in dreams of white and crisp Scandi interior design. Does the property have the right number of bedrooms and bathrooms? Are you looking for a new build or a fixer-upper? How averse are you to renovating? 

Manning suggests writing separate lists, asking: “What’s most important to me to have in the house I buy?” Once you have a clear top three to five, compare them. If your top values are similar that means you are on the same page. If they’re wildly different, spend time exploring why it’s important to you and see if you can find a compromise. 

You can agree on a location

Agree on a few postcodes before you start browsing the listings, taking into consideration commute times, the community and where your family and friends are. Familiarise yourself with the area – in both night and day – to see if it suits your lifestyles. Be open and honest. Feeling compromised in your choice of location is sure to breed resentment in the long run.

You already have a deposit, or you’re on the way

According to a study by insurance company Norwich Union, 88 per cent of couples underestimate the cost of moving home, with the stress weighing heavily on their relationship. Talking money with your partner can be a minefield. Ensure you’re both on the same page in terms of savings and budget, whether you’ll have joint/separate accounts, and what each will contribute to the mortgage, taking into consideration “extras” such as stamp duty, legal fees and moving expenses. “If you’re concerned about your partner’s ability to save, then consult a financial adviser or counsellor as to how to best manage this,” suggests Manning.

And if you know that buying will put a big strain on your finances, don’t do it. A mortgage lender will dig deep into your credit history so any debt secrets you have won’t be secret for long.

You work as a team

Buying a home is stressful enough at the best of times, let alone when it involves a couple making their first long-term financial and emotional commitment together. “Remember you are on the same team with the same goal in mind,” says Manning.

Your partner will be your support network – through whole weekends of house viewings to high-pressure auctions and the fraught negotiation stage. “You need to make the agreements together,” says Manning. “Talk ahead of auctions to agree on a limit and stick to that.” Openly communicating, making room for compromise, and looking after your own stress – through exercise, massage, or whatever helps you relax – will ease the situation.