A tale of woe: I tried to clean my oven and it exploded

Recently, I decided to clean my Miele oven. I am not obsessive about cleaning – my attitude to housework is best described as ‘relaxed’ – but the oven was looking a little gross.

I used a spray-on oven cleaner, which removed most of the filth, but the door was still caked in grime. Upon closer inspection, I saw that the door contained not one glass panel but two, and the greasy detritus of a thousand lamb chops had built up between them.

How to proceed? Well, clearly, I needed to unscrew the oven door, remove the two panes of glass, and clean them. It didn’t look particularly hard to dismantle the door, but I figured some assistance couldn’t hurt.

So I called a professional oven cleaner, and they came out and did the job. Ha! No, I didn’t. If I’d done that, you wouldn’t be reading this tale of woe.

No, I consulted the internet.

According to the YouTube video I watched, disassembling a Miele oven is very simple. You just loosen a few screws, take the door off its hinges, and then gently remove the glass panes.

And guess what? The YouTube video was correct. It is very easy to disassemble an oven. I quickly dismantled the door and discovered not two, but three glass planes inside. There were also a bunch of plastic knobs and some rubber seals, but I was too focused on my triumph to pay much attention to them.

I’m a homemaking genius! I thought to myself, as I lay the panes out on the floor and scrubbed them until they gleamed.

And then it was time to reassemble the oven. I followed the instructions in reverse, put the door back together, and stared in satisfaction at my beautiful, clean oven.

Ha! No, I didn’t. If I’d done that, you wouldn’t still be reading this tale of woe.

I couldn’t work out how to put the door back together. I knew how to get the glass panes back in the frame, but had no idea where to place those fiddly little knobs and seals. And the internet was no help at all. Turns out there are plenty of YouTube videos about dissembling an oven, but none telling you what to do when it’s in pieces on the floor.

I sat there on my kitchen floor, bits of oven scattered around me, for three long hours. I tried different combinations and various techniques, but there was always a knob or a seal leftover. Finally, as afternoon turned into evening and my children began asking for dinner, I worked it out. I secured the seals over the glass, fitted the knobs firmly in place, and screwed the entire thing back together.

What a thrill! What a relief! I was the Queen of the Kitchen. I got out the chops for dinner, turned on my magnificent, clean oven, poured myself a gin, and plonked down on the couch.

BAM. There was an enormous bang, followed by a shattering of glass, and an ominous creaking. I jumped up, startled.

My oven had exploded.

Yes, apparently, I had not reassembled the oven door so flawlessly after all. The seals, it appears, had not been where they should be. My oven was in tatters, along with my ego, and, soon, my bank account.

My gin and tonic, I decided, was way too small.

It cost me $2000 for a new oven, and three days to remove all the bits of glass from my kitchen. Happily, I learned a great deal from the experience.

It is, indeed, very easy to disassemble an oven. It’s putting it back together that’s the tricky part.