Fifty shades of stress: What it's like to redecorate when you're colour blind

Until you’ve known the humiliation of having to ask a nine-year-old, “What colour is this?”, you won’t be able to feel my pain. Or the pain of anyone with the condition of colour blindness.

I’m pretty rare being a female who’s colour blind. It usually occurs in males, but as it was on both sides of my family – my father and my mother’s father were colour blind (it’s usually passed on via the female side) – I guess I drew the proverbial short straw. Just don’t ask me what colour the straw was.

One of the cruellest things you can do to a colour blind person is to give them a huge colour chart and ask them to identify a shade, or to pick two or more and match the best combinations.

This makes choosing colour schemes for the home a bit of a challenge, to say the least. The term “50 shades of grey” takes on an even scarier meaning than the dubious goings-on in the book. And names such as Soft Apple really aren’t helpful. What type of apple? A red one? A green one? A yellow one?

Paint charts do more damage than good. Photo: iStock

For us colour blind people, it’s usually best to go the simple route. One of my go-to methods is to find someone else’s house that I like the look of, take a photo and say, “I’ll have that, please”. It’s the colour blind person’s design equivalent of that famous When Harry Met Sally phrase, “I’ll have what she’s having”. 

Once you’ve got the basic paint colours of a room taken care of, it then becomes a ninja-like challenge to pair up curtains, blinds, rugs, sofas, lamps, appliances and knick-knacks. Obviously, not everyone who isn’t colour blind has got great taste, but at least they can make their decisions based on what the colours actually are. I go into a panic trying to make anything match.​

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Hot tip: find someone else’s house that you like the look of. Photo: Stocksy

Maybe it’s one of the reasons I don’t watch home renovation shows. It’s like being the only one who’s not in on some really funny joke when the design gurus are discussing decor. All that talk about warm, cool, or accent colours is enough to make my face go red, scarlet, cerise, vermillion or crimson with frustration. I might as well be watching the news in Welsh.

I was surprised a few years ago when a friend who had recently done an interior design course complimented the colour my husband and I had painted our daughter’s bedroom. Completely unbeknownst to me, I’d chosen a colour that the experts say makes a small room look larger, even though it was quite a dark blue. It’s all about the shade apparently and that’s where the colour blind are metaphorically in the dark.

Stick to the basics and ask for help when needed. Photo: iStock

Overall, being colour blind isn’t a major issue, although it did prevent me from following certain professions. You wouldn’t want me being your make-up consultant! And there’s no way you’d want me to be in one of those life-or-death situations where cutting the red wire will make everyone blow up but cutting the green wire will save humanity.

So, if you happen to come across some poor soul in the Bunnings paint aisle almost tearing their hair out as they try to unravel the myriad colours on offer, how about doing a public service and asking gently, “Are you OK?” You could be a colour blind person’s angel for the day.

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