From the weird and wacky to the downright expensive: The Goop 2018 gift guide is here

Much like the age-old quandary about whether a tree falling in a forest makes a sound if there’s no one around, if Christmas rolls around without Goop releasing a wildly unrelatable gift guide, is the season worth celebrating?

With Christmas just weeks away, Goop – the lifestyle company founded by Gwyneth Paltrow and famed for its assurance that jade eggs solve life’s problems – has dropped the gift guide almost no one can afford.

But of course, therein lies its beauty.

So, if you’re looking for the odd, atypical gift for the home or just your yearly stickybeak, we have rounded up the best parts of the annual guide dedicated to the unreal.

Banana Lamp

No euphemism here, the Banana Lamp by Gessato “offer[s] a perfect solution to make a room look memorable”, according to the brand. For $471, you can have a banana light up any space at home.

An entire village in Spain

While only Goop would suggest a village in Lugo, Spain should be at the top of your Christmas wishlist, for less money than you would spend on a one-bedroom Melbourne apartment – $240,000 – you can pick up a couple of residences, a lot of land and some beautiful views in rural Spain.

Alas, not as outrageous as it sounds.

A night under the Icelandic stars

For $713, Goop suggests you take an overnight tour of some of Iceland’s most scenic tourist locations, including an overnight stay at the Bubble Hotel. (Not included: The cost of flying yourself halfway across the world for the one-night escape.)

An RV

Goop contends that the Land Ark RV is “an RV that’s nicer than most homes without wheels”. It can be yours for $192,000.

A 10k designer surfboard

Hermes, no less.

“Muse for a day” gift experience

Billed as a “one-of-a-kind art experience”, the Muse for a day gift experience is a private photo session with Miss Aniela in her UK studio for a cool $207,900.

A clip-on bidet

Goop really want to bring back the bidet and so, for $95, you can grab yourself a clip-on one.

Monthly loofa subscription

Fresh sponges delivered monthly, for just $8 a month.

Rose quartz crystal straws

Because what’s a Goop guide without some crystals? According to a hopefully ironic Goop, this $94 polished steel and rose-quartz straw is “an everyday essential”.