How to avoid being the person everyone hates at Christmas

Christmas – a time of giving, at least that’s what we’re told. But sometimes, in the middle of all that giving, comes the tendency to lose a certain sense of self-awareness.

You’re so busy shopping and cooking and de-tangling, you may lose sight of what Christmas is about – stress! Oh, I’m joking. Kind of. 

Follow these four easy steps to ensure you don’t act like a jerk this silly season.

1. House decorations

Photo: James Brickwood

These have become their own industry in the last decade or so, and for good reason – kids love them! Going to see the lights is now as much a part of advent activities as sitting on Santa’s knee. But before you turn your balcony into a Vivid Festival, please keep in mind that rapidly flashing lights can be off-putting.

While epileptics may only make up 3.5 per cent of the populace, they are still people, and can’t handle excessively flashing lights. I say this because I am an epileptic and I love Christmas lights, but I can’t appreciate them when I’m worried I’m going to fall down and start foaming at the mouth in front of everyone. Please consider an alternative, such as slow blinking lights, which are fine.

The other thing to keep in mind is the mood on your street. If everyone has their inflated reindeer hovering over their roofs, replete with glowing stars and a self-starting fireworks display, you may proceed with your own tableau of Santa carrying the Baby Jesus on a surfboard. If, however, the only radiance in your enclave comes courtesy of street lights, you might want to hold back on the flashing animatronics.

Lastly, now is not the time to pop out that little bowl requesting gold coins. It should go without saying but charging people to view your display is antithetical to Christmas itself. If you want to raise money for a charity, do it on your own watch.

• Related: Christmas decor ideas with the minimalist in mind
• Related: From tree to table: Stylist-approved Christmas tips
• Related: A guide to celebrating Christmas in your backyard

2. Cleaning out your closet

Photo: Stocksy

If you’re responding to the call from your conscience to donate this year – good for you. Just a few suggestions before you clean out your pantry and drawers. 

If you wouldn’t eat it, don’t expect them to. In other words, a dented can of baked beans with a use-by date of 1996? Not appreciated. And at the other end of the spectrum, if you never got around to eating the organic, artisan lavender, fig and passionfruit jelly, with a strict recommendation on the jar to enjoy exclusively with twice baked honey-glazed ham, maybe consider your audience before popping it under the Christmas tree at K-Mart.

These people might be struggling, but if you wouldn’t eat it or wear it or play with it, don’t expect other Australians to.

3. Garbage

Photo: Elle Marcon

In true Australian Christmas style, you’ve eaten your weight in oysters and prawns and now the shells are everywhere. Do you chuck them in the bin? Absolutely not!

If you live in an apartment block you owe it to yourself and your neighbours to freeze them first. Freeze the left-overs? Yes, because if you don’t freeze them, they’re not only going to stink up the area, they’re going to attract any number of flies, maggots and other repellent germs.

Your caretaker deserves not just a Christmas holiday, but to be able to breathe as he moves your bins. If you freeze them until it’s time for garbage collection, you’re helping everyone in your vicinity.

4. Parties

Photo: Shutterstock

Who doesn’t love catching up for a Christmas drink in the intimate surrounds of a loved one’s home? The candles are lit, the cognac is flowing and Rosemary Clooney is urging you to have yourself a merry one. At least, this is what you’d hope.

The reality is that Christmas is also a time for unparalleled drunkenness and mess. Here’s a tip: unless it’s New Year’s Eve and you live in a sound-proof home, maybe have a think before blasting Chumbawamba’s Tubthumping at 2am.

Similarly, it is wise to comply with police when they ask you to please turn the music down. Do not, if you can help it, then proceed to turn up the music as soon as they leave.