How to split the housework 50/50 with your partner

Last week I was cleaning a home on the Northern beaches of Sydney and while leaving I witnessed a fairly typical scene.

The couple began arguing about household chores.

It started innocently, with a comment made by the husband on the newly clean carpets. His wife chimed back about how he never cleans. He snapped back saying he does a lot considering he works full-time.

Within seconds it had become a full-blown argument about who does more around the house. All this in front of a total stranger!

Household chores cause a lot of arguments

Housework is one of the main issues couples fight about, and with things to do every day the time spent bickering really adds up.

Let’s do some quick math. If you spend 10 minutes a day arguing about housework, that’s 70 minutes a week and 3640 minutes a year. In other words, that’s a full 60 hours a year arguing!

Imagine how much better your relationship would be if you spent that time having enjoyable experiences instead?

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There is a happy solution

I think it’s essential for both people in a relationship to contribute 50 per cent. With many demands placed on everyone’s time it only seems fair.

My wife and I have found a happy balance using the system below:

1. Divide up the individual tasks

Together, make a list of everything that needs doing. Look down the list and decide what you do and don’t like and assign each task to one of you.

Personally, I enjoy doing the dishes (no dishwasher here) while my wife likes the laundry (which I hate). Right there, we’ve found a task each of us can take off the other.

What happens if you don’t like doing any household chores?

A part of being in a relationship means working together and your partner is not a replacement for a parent. Pick the items you can tolerate and take them on.

2. Divide up the chores no one likes

There will inevitably be some tasks nobody wants. In my house, it’s the vacuuming. I spend a good chunk of my week doing it for work and my partner just hates it.

In these cases a compromise has to be made and we use an alternate week system to make sure it’s fair.

Agree that you’ll each do the chore every second week. That way you at least get a week off, which should make everyone happy. We enter relationships to give, not just to get. 

3. If you can’t compromise, outsource

There are some tasks that no amount of compromise or weeks off make better.

For us, it’s washing the car. We never get around to it and this has caused a few arguments in the past (usually caused by me promising to do it and not delivering).

In this situation it’s better to outsource the job. We take the car to a car wash/cafe and enjoy a coffee together. What used to be a painful experience is now a pleasant one we share.

4. Expect your relationship to improve

The truth is, by splitting everything 50/50 it sends a signal to your partner that you are in this together. You’re equally committed to each other and can accomplish a lot by working together instead of arguing.

Honestly, I’ve learned to love doing the housework. Not because I enjoy the jobs, but because sharing the load has brought my wife and I closer together.

Michael Brooke is a professional carpet cleaner working throughout Sydney. For over 15 years he has been saving couples from arguing through services provided by his company, Carpet Cleaning Sydney.