Love it or loathe it: What your self-isolation style says about you

It seems some people took to isolation quite easily, while others hankered to escape the four walls.

Situations like job and home losses have made this time extremely difficult for some. But hardship aside, your response to isolation might say something about your personality.

“I’ll be rejoicing when life goes back to normal,” says Chrisanthy Carmen, a 38-year-old Melburnian who loathes life in lockdown. “My husband and two boys are my main world, but I’m also very close to my parents and I’m missing the chat after a school drop-off.”

Self-described extravert Carmen struggles without enough social stimulation. “l like to be home with my family, but I also like to go for walks with a girlfriend or have coffee with the school mums,” she says. “People say I’m a social butterfly.

“I have to speak to someone every day on the phone that’s not my husband or my kids … It’s not like I’m dying to go out to a restaurant or the footy.”

Freelance editor Alison Hill’s isolation reaction has been different.

“I am fairly sociable – I like having a chat to people and seeing my friends,” says the 58-year-old, who lives in the Blue Mountains. “But I don’t mind being on my own. I like to hive off by myself and read or do something quiet.”

Coaching psychologist Amelia Twiss from Twiss Psychology Group notes that “The Big 5” model of personality traits provides insight into why people respond differently to social isolation. Aside from extraversion, these are openness, conscientiousness, agreeableness and neuroticism.

“All of our personalities can be measured in some way along a continuum of these five traits,” Twiss says.

People high on openness are naturally curious and open to trying new things, she says. They may have a more positive outlook about the situation.

This is true for Hill, who says isolation “gives you opportunities to take a breath, do some new things or do things a bit differently”.

She is raising a Guide Dog puppy, has started a community DVD library and is enjoying time with her 28-year-old son, who returned home recently when his year-long travel plans were thwarted.

Conversely, people lower on this trait may struggle with change, be less creative about adapting and miss their usual way of life more, Twiss says.

Conscientiousness is about how organised, structured and attentive to detail people are. “Someone high on conscientiousness will likely enjoy creating new structures and rituals around being in insolation and will spend time organising their surroundings and having a set schedule,” she says.

In contrast, someone low on conscientiousness “will tend to ‘go with the flow’ more and may struggle to keep on track if they are working from home and aren’t provided with structure and clear priorities”.

Agreeableness relates to interpersonal style and whether someone is more cooperative or competitive. Someone high on agreeableness will strive to get along with the household and ensure everyone’s needs are met, Twiss says.

Someone lower on this trait will likely demonstrate less concern for others and may be viewed as more selfish. “They may tend to see the situation in a more pessimistic light.”

Neuroticism refers to your emotional style and natural resilience. Someone high on neuroticism tends to experience more anxiety about change, Twiss explains.

They may “tend to catastrophise the situation more than others, staying at home because they are afraid to go to the supermarket, for example. People low on neuroticism will come across as more emotionally stable and rational and are less likely to worry about things outside their control.”

Twiss notes there are many reasons people respond differently to self-isolation apart from personality, such as their circumstances and living conditions.

Hill is quick to point out her fortunate circumstances colour her outlook: “I am living in a great place with beautiful views and we’ve got an acre of garden. In Sydney, I was living in a two-bedroom apartment … I think I would have been going mad in a little space like that.”

She acknowledges that things are easier without young kids at home.

Carmen, in contrast, recently lost her two-day-a-week office job. However, the financial strain of this “double-edged sword” has been offset somewhat by creating time to home-school her sons, aged seven and five.

Twiss recommends seeking out opportunities in this unusual time. “Think about discovering your own natural rhythm and notice what comes up as you ‘slow down’ and spend time at home. What aspects of this experience would you like to keep and take forward with you, what aspects of your life before COVID-19 might you like to leave behind?”