Research says siblings should share a room, but I'm actively keeping mine apart

Growing up, my sister and I shared a bedroom until our early teens and, while I’m sure there is a degree of rose-tintedness to my memories, it is something I remember with a smile.

Whispering to each other in the dark, making up stories and playing games – when the call came for “lights out”, we had plenty to do to keep us busy until sleep came.

Looking back now I can see that sharing a room helped us to develop a close bond – one that has lasted over time and distance. A new study on the impact of siblings sharing a room shows that this is a universal experience.

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The research, which was commissioned by Hammonds Furniture, looked into the lives of 2000 adults who had shared a room with at least one brother or sister. They found that people who had shared a room with a sibling believed that the experience helped them to navigate adult life better.

In particular, 59 per cent of participants argued that sharing a room with a sibling helped them to prepare for shared spaces such as university halls and office spaces. In addition, 39 per cent said it helped strengthen their bond with family members and 38 per cent said that it developed their emotional intelligence.

But while there might be long-term benefits to siblings sharing a room, I am actively keeping my children apart – for my own sanity.

My daughters, aged eight and 10, get on brilliantly – when they’re not fighting like cat and dog. When they’re friends they egg each other on, making slime (also known as destroying carpets) or painting walls with lurid day-glow poster paint.

When they’re fighting, they scream so loudly that the whole neighbourhood can hear them (probably).

The line between getting on well and screaming at each other is so thin that the tiniest of transgressions (“She left a sock in my room!”, “Well, she looked at me!”) can trigger full-blown sibling warfare.

It was the fighting that prompted me to give them their own bedrooms – a decision that left me, a self-employed writer, without an office.

Two years ago, when I made this decision, the sacrifice seemed worthwhile – sure, I would have to cram my workspace into our open-plan living room but without the sound of children fighting (over literally everything), the house would be harmonious.

Two years on and I’ve discovered that giving my kids their own bedrooms doesn’t make much difference to the fighting. Even when they’re both in their bedrooms, they fight on, undeterred by the small landing space between them. If anything the volume has escalated.

But at least when they go to bed the fighting stops for a while. They read a book (and don’t fight about whether the light is on or off) or listen to a bedtime meditation (and don’t fight about where the guided visualisation takes them.

It’s only a temporary cease-fire, but it’s one that has shown them the value of having their own space.

Recently I’ve started thinking about putting the bunk beds back together and forcing them to share again. I’ve even explained all the psychological benefits of sharing and regaled them with stories from my own childhood.

But for now, the rooms are staying as they are. Because while research tells me that sharing is good for them, my experience tells me that forcing my chalk and cheese children to share a living space will cause us more grief in the short term.