What NOT to say to new neighbours

Okay, so here Down Under we are pretty laid-back when it comes to meeting new neighbours: no Stepford-esque Welcome Wagon laden with meatloaf and potato salad for us, but that doesn’t mean we should be completely blasé – or worse: rude – when someone new joins the ‘hood.

Don’t bag out the other neighbours

Not only is it bad manners, but you have no way of knowing whom or what they already know. Try to be as diplomatic as possible when discussing your other neighbours/landlord/property manager. Any useful info (who has kids, owns pets or likes to play loud music) can be imparted, but try to stay neutral when talking about these things – you don’t want to seem catty. Also, if you are the one who likes to play loud music late at night, or have a backyard BBQ which tends to create a cloud of black smoke over the entire street, find a way to either (a) stop doing this (everyone will be grateful) or (b) let your new neighbours know – as gently as possible.

Don’t bore them with useless info

It is highly unlikely your neighbours will want a full history of the street/building, or to be regaled with your extensive knowledge of early noughties architecture, so stick to what counts. Bin nights, bus/train/tram stops/routes, access to amenities, nearby parks and playground (for kids/dogs), good cafes/restaurants – this is all useful information.

Don’t be rude

If you’re not into socialising with the neighbours, that’s fine, but there is no reason to be rude. Start as you mean to continue, which means be civil. You never know when you are going to find yourself locked out in your PJs, on a cold, wet, wintery morning after just “running out for the paper” and in desperate need of refuge and a phone! (True story.)

Don’t be over-friendly either

Great, so you are friendly. Offer to show the new arrivals around; if you get along well, invite them to dinner sometime. But do not under any circumstances decide on the spot that your new neighbours are also going to be your new BFFs and start making plans based on that assumption. It could get awkward when they start avoiding you.

Don’t ask how much they paid/are paying

It’s just tacky. Plus you might get a rude shock.

In short, try to be a good neighbour. Be helpful and approachable; be there for one another because – as we all know – that’s when good neighbours become good friends.