The Australians who have already given up on toilet paper

It’s no secret the country is in the grip of toilet paper pandemonium.

But search hard enough, and you’ll find a rare breed of Australians who don’t rely on the soft stuff when visiting the smallest room in the house.

Here are two of them – and another with a canny back-up plan should the proverbial hit the fan.

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The family who hasn’t used toilet paper for five years

At Meg Ulman’s 1011 square metre permaculture property in Victoria’s Daylesford, toilet paper has been given the heave-ho in favour of a more eco-friendly alternative.

Five years ago, Ulman and partner Patrick Jones, who had already ditched their cars, supermarket shopping, plane travel and virtually all waste, decided to add toilet paper to the list of things not to consume.

Instead, they decided to use a white flannel sheet from an op shop, cut into small squares.

“We had a friend who overlocked all the sides of them so they wouldn’t fray, and we swapped that overlocking time and knowledge and energy for a couple of loaves of sourdough and a sourdough making lesson,” says Ulman.

The couple and their son Woody now happily use the squares in place of toilet paper. (They still offer toilet paper in an Airbnb cottage on the property, and to guests).

“We have a little bucket that sits next to our toilet … so when we wipe we put them in the bucket. Then when the bucket fills up we just stick them in the washing machine on the hottest wash,” says Ulman.

“It just made sense to us to do this. We catch our own water, we catch our own electricity; these are renewable resources, so why not use them, and they’re free.”

The switch saves the family several hundred dollars a year, which fits nicely into their lifestyle decision to be time rich and cash poor.

Ulman happily explains the process to visitors who arrive monthly to learn from their property, which boasts 150 fruit and nut trees, ducks, chickens and beehives.

As for their loo paper switch, she understands “the ick factor, because that was me before I started living like this”.

“A lot of people start by using them just for wees at first, and if they feel comfortable then they can build up.”

A clean break from loo paper

While anxious shoppers battle it out in supermarkets, Maggi Brown and her husband are sitting pretty in South Coogee.

With six bidet toilets, and no need for loo paper, Brown laughs at the suggestion her place might be the ideal spot to ride out the coronavirus threat.

“I’m seeing all these pictures on TV of people running and fighting over toilet paper. Well, I don’t worry about that,” Brown says.

The bidet toilets — like a normal toilet, but with a washing mechanism inside — found their way into Brown’s house 11 years ago after several ski trips to Japan, where they are all the rage.

“The first few times we were there [we] didn’t even know what they were, we thought they were a thing that they used to clean the toilet,” she says.

But when a fellow hotel guest enlightened her, Brown rushed straight up to her room to try it out. “I said to my husband, oh my god, you’ve got to try this – it’s amazing.

“They’re extremely hygienic. After I got to use them in Japan, I came back and everything seemed dirty going back to paper.”

Brown bought her pride and joys from the company Australian Bidet, which has experienced a doubling of sales in recent days amid toilet paper shortages.

At Brown’s house, the only toilet paper is for guests, who can still use the bidet toilet in the fashion they are used to.

“I’m not going to have guests here for dinner and educate them in toilet hygiene. No way,” she says. “If they want to ask me I’ll tell them. But anyone who stays here for more than a day soon finds out.”

And while she and her husband still love travelling, sometimes they do get homesick – for their loos.

“When we travel to the US, to London, to Europe, we miss our toilets. It doesn’t matter what level of hotel you’re staying in, they never have these toilets,” laments Brown.

Let’s leaf them to it

When Michele Franzinelli put up a tongue-in-cheek post on Facebook, detailing some very green alternatives to toilet paper, the post spread all the way to Russia.

Franzinelli and her husband have turned their suburban Perth block into an edible garden known as Jetto’s Patch, which attracts hundreds of visitors each year.

“Looking around with the current toilet paper, I was chuckling having witnessed the frenzy amongst the shoppers,” she says. “I went home and thought this is insane – I look around the garden and I can see about 50 or 60 different types of plants and tree leaves. In earlier times, that’s exactly what I’ve used.”

Her Facebook post spruiked the benefits of some of these including turmeric – “waterproofing for those persistently sloppy days” and East Indian arrowroot – “when you’re in the mood for the exotic”.

While the couple do use toilet paper, Franzinelli says she has used leaves during her ablutions from time to time while overseas – and wouldn’t rule out doing it again here, should push come to shove.