Tried and tested tips for finding the perfect rental property

They say looking for a new job is a job in itself. But seeking a new job comes a distant second to seeking a new place to live.

Let me explain. I moved into a modern Alphington apartment in September 2017. It was small but tidy, with a secure parking spot and entry. I was assured it was soundproof, but once the 24-hour jackhammers started up as part of the Chandler Highway upgrade only a block away, the noise was inescapable.

Now, I search through the rental listings, sifting out anywhere that posts two photos: the outside of the building and a stock photo of the local parklands. I also sift out the places with upside down photos of shabby bathrooms, where the agent hasn’t even bothered to present their place with care.

I feel a shiver of excitement at anywhere with a car spot and floorboards that has a separate bedroom and is not on the ground floor. Trust me, when you’ve lived below a party house, you learn to opt for a top floor or a stand-alone space.

If the gloomy experiences I’ve had recently are worth nothing else, they make for entertaining stories for friends and family.

Waiting with 10 fellow hopefuls at a Clifton Hill apartment block, we noted the po-faced tenant repeatedly wiping the street-facing window as he watched us. For 10 minutes. When the agent showed up, he dutifully ignored the current tenant, who remained at the window, occupied with his artwork. He had assembled a crumpled beer can with a sprig of flowers on the windowsill and was snapping photos of it on his iPhone, then making small adjustments to lighting and composition before snapping away again.

On a recent raining, ice-cold Melbourne afternoon, 12 hopefuls joined me in watching the agent press the doorbell and repeatedly ring the current tenant in an alley in South Yarra while we shivered and, one at a time, gave up and returned to our jobs and daily duties, resigned to continue the house hunt. “Come back tomorrow?” invited the agent, “I’ll call you with the time.” Two days later, I still haven’t heard what time that will be.

But on this journey I’ve also learnt some important rental tips and tricks for getting the perfect place:

• There are very affordable family homes for the same price as a matchbox-sized apartment, if you’re willing to take on a six-month lease rather than a year
• Check inspection times and if you’re even vaguely interested, register to avoid missing out entirely
• Be polite to the agent, it’s their advocacy that ultimately decides whether you get the place or not
• Even if you think the mildew on the ceiling, ripped curtains or broken window won’t be a deal-breaker, make sure these issues are fixed before agreeing to a lease
• Know what you absolutely won’t compromise on and what you are prepared to negotiate (your budget, a car space, number of bathrooms or bedrooms)
• Seek references from your employers and previous and current rental agent in writing to make the agent’s job of assessing your application easier

It hasn’t all been doom and gloom though. I have seen a townhouse in Thornbury in a street lined with family homes rather than dozens of high-rise apartments, and there weren’t 40 fellow renters scoping it out. Who knows? That could happen. Wish me luck.