When is the right time to move in with your partner?

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It’s one of the first major milestones in a relationship, but how do you know when the time is right to shack up with your beloved?

First up, it’s important to ask yourself whether you’re still in the limerence phase of the relationship – that is, the period that usually lasts between 18 months and three years and has you all starry-eyed and wearing rose-tinted glasses.

“That attraction releases chemicals and with it comes a bit of euphoria in the way we see that person,” says Sue Yorston, a senior manager at Relationships Australia Victoria. “But that feeling doesn’t last forever.”

Instead, Yorston suggests taking the time to consider your motives and ensure you are taking the leap with someone whose values, beliefs and lifestyle are compatible with yours. She also stresses the importance of talking about individual financial assets before the big move.

At the same time, Yorston does concede that you can never really know for sure if things are going to work until you take the plunge.

“You can rationalise and think it through as much as you like,” says Yorston. “But sometimes you just have to jump in.”

These four couples shared their experiences of living together – and apart.

The fast movers

Faith, 29, and Jes, 27

Faith Kelly and Jes Harris moved in together six months after meeting each other, deciding it didn’t make sense to pay rent in two houses. They’ve now been together for 2½ years.

“It was huge, but it felt right,” says Kelly. “We knew very early that we wanted to be together, so it all sort of just happened.”

Jes Harris and Faith Kelly moved in together six months after meeting each other.

Kelly said she was worried that she and Harris would discover things about each other that they didn’t like, but instead found themselves balancing one another perfectly. Kelly is bringing out Harris’ funny side, while Harris has got Kelly into cycling, for example. Harris likes cleaning the bathroom, while Kelly likes vacuuming.

“It helps that we talk a lot. You just have to be really open with each other.”

The second time around-ers

*Vera, 27, and *Henry, 26

After more than two years together, Vera Morrison and Henry Lee thought it was time they took the next step and moved in together. Six months later the couple broke up and Vera moved out.

Morrison says their downfall was a combination of lack of communication, the stress of not being able to afford their rental and living in each other’s pockets.

“When you have no real routine for simple cleaning duties, it can all get messy and out of hand pretty quickly,” says Morrison. “You can end up in unnecessary arguments and ongoing frustrations with one another.”

After a year apart, the couple moved back in together 10 months ago, and things are running much more smoothly.

“We communicate better than ever now,” says Morrison. “We have designated chores that we do and always help each other out. It’s not because we have to, it’s because we want to make life easier for one another.”

The cautious couple

Gabriella, 37, and Joel, 28

Gabriella Scardamaglia and Joel Andrew waited 2½ years before moving in together.

Scardamaglia says it was a fairly smooth transition.

“The only real issue was cupboard space,” she says. “Making room in my already jam-packed wardrobe was a real compromise! Oh, and wet towels on the bed didn’t go down well.”

Moving in together was a smooth transition for Gabriella Scardamaglia and Joel Andrew. Photo: Supplied

Four-and-a-half years later the couple has a new baby and is happier than ever.

Her advice?

“It’s really important you maintain your own interests. Having your own time will only strengthen your relationship and keep the spark alive.”

The separate dwellers

*Sylvia, 70, and *Alex, 74

“As a rule, it’s just the weekends we see each other,” says Sylvia West, who has never lived with partner Alex Kerr in their 12 years together. “We do our own thing. We’ve got our own friends and we see each other when we want to.”

According to Yorston, this situation is a growing trend among the over 60s age bracket.

West also thinks that this separation might explain why they travel or holiday together so harmoniously. Plus it adds a little more excitement to the relationship.

“If we haven’t seen each other for a few days, it’s nice,” she says. “It brings a smile to your face.”
 

*Names have been changed to protect privacy