Eight things you always forget about moving house

Moving house – unless the place is being sold under you – usually brings a fresh burst of excitement to life.

You might be relocating to a quieter or more exciting neighbourhood, getting more space or even moving into your first mini-mansion.

Of course that’s the upside. The downside being that the actual act of shifting yourself and everything you own is surely one of the world’s most excruciating undertakings.

You could probably liken it to childbirth, an A-grade hangover or a 24-hour flight: if you ever truly remembered the pain involved, you’d be unlikely to do it again.

To refresh your memory, here are eight things you’re likely to forget every single time you get ready to back up the moving truck.

The freakin’ forms

Photo: Jim Rice

Whether you’re applying for a rental, or a mortgage, there’s always an onslaught of paperwork.

Get ready to rifle through the dusty recesses of your memory for old addresses, dates and agent’s names. Meanwhile you’ll be gathering the requisite points of ID, while trying to remember where it is you’re supposed to lodge your bond.

Where’s that bloody Allen key?

Need to dismantle your bed frame? I’ll bet a month’s rent that the Allen key you distinctly remember owning has done a runner just when you need it. Next time, at least try to keep it somewhere sensible.

Packing takes much, much longer than you think

Packing always takes much longer than you think. Photo: iStock

Ah, it’ll only take a few hours. What’s there to do anyway – wrap a few wine glasses in newspaper, pop your pans in that box from Bunnings?

Do not delude yourself: this is going to take an eternity. When the point of realisation hits, your careful packing technique will be completely abandoned in favour of the fastest method possible.

It’s going to send you broke for at least a couple of weeks

If paying the bond or mortgage hasn’t already sucked up your savings, fear not, any spare dollars will easily evaporate elsewhere – perhaps on hiring a truck, paying for movers or setting up your utilities.

Then there are the little things you may need to buy again, but add up to a small fortune. A toilet brush, a new bin, removable wall hangers, a modem, spices …

You wish you’d hired two men, not one

You’ll wish you hired two removalists, not one. Photo: Peter Morris

Sure, it might have seemed like a financially savvy idea to hire just one bloke off Airtasker to move all your big stuff. But who’s going to help him lift up your three-seater couch? And what’s that, he hasn’t brought a moving trolley for the fridge? Uh oh.

Someone will see your knickers

If it’s not your dad spiriting your smalls drawer out to the truck, it might be a surprisingly dishy removalist from Man With a Van. At this point you’ll regret not popping your Reg Grundies somewhere a little more discreet.

You’ll forget to clean some obnoxious part of the house

Don’t forget to clean the windows. Photo: Jamila Toderas

As if forgetting to book the steam cleaning for your carpet until the day before wasn’t bad enough, now you’re going to overlook cleaning one hidden, but crucial, part of the place you’re moving out of.

Maybe it’s the oven; maybe it’s the balcony or even the windows. If you’re lucky, your mum may take mercy on you and step in.

The relief is enormous

As you kick back with pizza and a hard-earned glass of champers/beer/other numbing fluid, you’ll likely feel a great sense of accomplishment – a bit like, say, making it to Everest Base Camp.

Well that wasn’t too bad, you’ll say to yourself, and whoever is unlucky enough to have scraped through this ordeal with you. And already, your memory has slipped into delusional mode.