First room reveals on The Block: master en suites are a stinker
The Block is back and that means perving on contestants’ tears and tantrums, tradies with their shirts off and budget decor ideas.
All that I love!
Five teams have been tasked with renovating a 33,000 square metre art deco crack den in Port Melbourne.
The winner will pocket hundreds of thousands of dollars and ascend Tonia Todman’s DIY throne with built-in wardrobe endorsement deals and a contract to flog toots and tapware at home expos.
Those set to suffer are Melbourne couple Sasha and Julia.
Photo: Channel Nine
Perth codgers Dan and Carleen.
Photo: Channel Nine
Really, really ridiculously good looking Queenslanders Will and Karlie.
Photo: Channel Nine
Novocastrians Kim and Chris.
Photo: Channel Nine
And Andy and Ben, the mates from Geelong that the producers thought could be substitutes for Simon and Shannon Vos, who delivered a sledgehammer to our hearts on Glasshouse two years ago.
Photo: Channel Nine
Simon and Shannon Vos, winners of the 2015 season of The Block Glasshouse. Photo: Instagram
The Block, a emotional meltdown is a mere faulty drill bit away.
Photo: Channel Nine
Photo: Channel Nine
Photo: Channel Nine
Kim has no such worries and nicks off to Maccas for a date (you devil, Chris).
With all of the budget going towards 2000 thread count towels hand-loomed by virgins and fragrant candles poured by Himalayan monks, which is what it takes to impress Neale Whitaker, a $1 hash brown is best she can hope for.
Photo: Channel Nine
The judges arrive – Whitaker, Shaynna Blaze and Darren Palmer.
And they instantly smell a rat.
Darren is deeply offended by this aggressively amorous candle message in Dan and Carleen’s pad.
Photo: Channel Nine
To be fair, Dan is a former AFL player and I have heard footy boys use that as a pick up line (not on me, though — I should be so lucky).
Neale docks them a point and declares that candle is the worst thing he has ever seen on The Block.
Photo: Channel Nine
Neale hates Dan’s candle choices. Dan questions his life’s purpose.
Photo: Channel Nine
In Andy and Ben’s apartment, the verdict is just as dire.
“If this is a starting point … start again,” Shaynna says, cursing them for styling a multi-million dollar property with supermarket-bought plastic Bic razors and Radox shower gel.
But the boys are from Geelong, bless, where knowing your atelier from your Aldi will get you bashed in the outer at Kardinia Park, so they’ve done their best.
Photo: Channel Nine
However, the worst is yet to come.
Neale discovers the upright loo roll holder in Kim and Chris’ shades-of-brown bathroom. He thinks it looks like a lever to turn the dunny into a dodgem car.
Photo: Channel Nine
Photo: Channel Nine
Neale shouldn’t knock it. It might be the most fun he’s ever had.
Julia and Sasha’s bathroom does not have a dodgem dunny roll holder and so they snare a win with a score of 26.5.
Julia and Sasha’s winning room – the main en suite – on week one of The Block for 2016. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block
Runners-up are Will and Karlie (25), followed by Andy and Ben (21.5), Kim and Chris (19.5) and Dan and Carleen at the rear (17).
Will and Karlie. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block
Ben and Andy. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block
Kim and Chris. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block
Dan and Carleen. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block
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