Saver v spender: How to get on the same page as your partner to save for a home

Have you ever heard of what I like to call a Couples Cash Up?

It’s the poor – or perhaps rich – man’s version of a date night where you and your partner catch up and talk about money.

Let’s face it, finance isn’t the most romantic topic for a date, so don’t spoil your candlelight dinners. Instead have a 10-minute chat over your morning coffee a few times a week. You can take turns in bringing the doughnuts.

I know, I know, it doesn’t sound like the most exciting thing to be scheduling in your diary, but trust me, a money meeting will help you align your financial priorities and, in turn, your relationship.

It should come as no surprise that money is one of the biggest causes of relationship breakdowns. Surveys by Relationships Australia have consistently found financial disagreements to be the biggest cause of angst among couples, affecting around 70 per cent, with the latest survey finding about 85 per cent of people believe financial problems are likely to push couples apart.

To avoid becoming a statistic you need to communicate, and a Couples Cash Up is a great way to do it. We’re all time poor so 10 minutes will suffice – especially if you do it regularly – to have a quick rundown on your budget and financial goals and discuss any big upcoming expenses.

An ME Bank survey in 2015 found the more couples talk about money, the less conflict it causes. More than 60 per cent of those who talked about it didn’t experience conflict compared with 34 per cent of those who didn’t.

In an ideal world we would all have a partner with the same financial mindset as us, but since opposites attract it seems spenders often end up with savers. This can be a recipe for disaster – I mean, who wouldn’t feel resentment towards a partner coming home loaded with shopping bags when you’re saving your pennies.

But you can also see it as a positive – you can teach your partner to be more responsible, while they can teach you that it’s OK to splurge occasionally.

A Cash Up is also the time to see your finances through your partner’s rose-coloured glasses. Find out why he spends frivolously, and tell him what your savings goals are.

If you want to buy a house you will both need to be committed to saving to acquire a big enough deposit and to cope with the ongoing financial commitment, as well as demonstrating to a lender a proven savings history.

I know some couples where the response to spending issues is to “cut off” the spender or give them an allowance, but this does not make for a harmonious relationship. You should both have an equal say in finances.

In our household we have the freedom to spend as we choose, but we consult each other for a purchase of more than $100. Another option is to designate an amount in your budget that each person can spend guilt-free.

Try to avoid tit for tat; if one of you buys something for $200, don’t go and spend the same to make it even. That is just wasting money.

If all else fails and you can’t agree on finances, consider attending a financial workshop or seeing a financial adviser. 

Vanessa De Groot is a property and finance journalist and a committed real estate investor.

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