The Block 2015: cashed-up Kingi and Caro turn up heat on rivals with kitchen win

If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen – that could have been written about our poor Blockheads this week.

It’s the day before kitchen reveals and host Scotty Cam says it’s the biggest week ever … since he said that about last week’s big week.

Truth be told, this week is indeed a pressure cooker situation and perhaps they should throw in the dish rag, stuff the kitchens, and let those spoilt, richie-rich South Yarra buyers just get takeaway. They can afford it.

Beauty therapist Whitney is struggling to crack the Hotel Saville’s proverbial glass ceiling, trying to be a leader among men, but is being resoundingly ignored by her hipster tradies.

Awks

She and Andrew – the Tinderlings – are going for a “modern Australian feel”, which means it doesn’t really have a style.

For all the contestants’ decorative fruit needs, Aldi is arriving with a truckload of free food.

Aldi have also sent along a dapper young company rep, because if you are going to encourage South Yarra-ites to ditch their boutique organic grocers for cut-price hummus and ham, then you’d better be wearing Hugo Boss.

#freeAldi #cheapSouthYarra

 

It’s been civilised so far this episode but that just means a drama is building. 

And so suddenly, there is a lot screaming, possibly about an island bench. Whitney the beautician is screeching at her hipster builder like she’s getting a scalding hot bikini wax.

“Go down there and bust his arse,” says Andrew.

“Ben, they are scared of you, so I think you should go and do it,” Whitney tells the hipster. 

“Who?” he asks. Indeed Ben, what the flip is going on? Who are we talking about busting?

But everyone calms the heck down and the island bench seems fine, which restores Andrew’s mojo.

“It really tickled my pickle,” he says. Bet that was on his Tinder profile when Whitney swiped right.

Dean and Shay’s 100kg benchtop is being lugged up 85 scaffold stairs to the penthouse.

Sympathetic Kingi is busy styling and watches on, cradling a polished toaster (he’ll never live this down at the local Townsville pub).

What have I become?

​The judges arrive – Shaynna, Neale and a new girl, Romy, because Darren is off somewhere fabulous, probably – and it’s time to decide who’s heart of the home is going to best exploit the buyers’ emotions.

Shaynna is super excited that Caro and Kingi have two dishwashers in their industrial-style kitchen.

“This is hot, it’s sexy, it’s sophisticated,” she gushes, and surely all the mums watching agree. At a certain stage in life, organisation and cleanliness is what revs your engine. Just look at those porny calenders of sexy men doing chores.

Shaynna doesn’t get the same special, private feelings when in Whitney and Andrew’s kitchen.

It might tickle Andy’s pickle, but Shaynna isn’t getting turned on like an oven.

To her, it feels like a “showroom kitchen” with a dancefloor-sized void.

Dancing Queen.

Suzi and Vonni are broke this week and instead of swish Christopher Cole stools, which would set them back about $500 a pop, they went to Aldi and grabbed some designer replicas instead. 

#freeAldi #budgetSouthYarra

They have installed a teppanyaki grill in their kitchen, probably so it’s like the all-you-can-eat buffet at Jupiters Casino on their beloved Gold Coast.

“This is not warm and appealing,” Neale says, and that sums it up, really.

Luke and Ebony’s kitchen is bright, light and feels good, Shaynna says.

But she and Neale are alarmed by the dangerous shard on their island bench and so for OH&S reasons, points will be docked. Luke and Ebony’s hopes this week have been skewered.

Dean and Shay were in hell after deciding to flip their kitchen and living room on the floor plan. But the pain seems to have paid off.

“It’s a knockout” is Shaynna’s verdict on their city-view kitchen with a trendy breakfast bar, and they are looking good for the money.

But it’s victory for cashed-up Caro and Kingi – yet again – by half a point, narrowly trumping penthouse pets Dean and Shay.​

Holla, holla, get dollar!

Shay’s reaction is of simmering anger. Dean had better hide the kitchen knives.