The Block 2015: Dean and Shay win first challenge apartment reveal

The contestants’ own apartments are done, and now we’re up to the part the producers love the best: the challenge apartments, aka “let’s put a whole bunch of people who are sick of each other by now and make them work very closely together”. What could possibly go wrong?

Halfway through the fortnight-long challenge, Vonni is tapping into that Gold Coast optimism.

“What can I say … The Block has not killed us yet,” she smiles with gritted teeth.

And if a bathroom and bedroom reveal won’t kill you, what will? Well, maybe Whitney’s dancing.

Smug challenge winners Caro and Kingi can’t wipe the smiles off their dial.

But for Suzi and Vonni, the problems keep piling up. The sparkie they’ve hired has failed to light up their life, with a fitting failure really being a fizzer. 

With eyes on a big prize – a share of $30,000 to spend on renovations or to come off the reserve price for the all-important auction – Luke and Ebony are rolling out a secret weapon. No, their “transformers” outdoor table-cum-lounge isn’t coming to life, they’re simply sticking a piece of timber on the wall as a feature piece. 

Luke says he loves it, but his face says otherwise.

Suzi is already saying it’s curtains for her room – they won’t win because an odd-shaped window has left their blinds installer, well, blindsided.

Suzi’s not happy.

Drapes haven’t been this dramatic since Tonia Todman jumped on her Janome.

Photo: Michael Clayton-Jones

But alas for our Gold Coasters, they’ve also run out of tiles. Getting this news is about as well-received as a Victorian being told it’s going to rain every day of their Gold Coast holiday.

There’s a silver lining though: the state manager of Beaumont Tiles has decided to open the factory on a Saturday afternoon so that the ladies aren’t left tile-less. Ker-ching! 

“Who does that?” asks Vonni. People with brand credentials on the line, perhaps. 

Suzi knows where her strengths lie.

“On The Block, you have to use what skills you have, and whether that’s hammering a nail or fluttering your eyelashes. I don’t know what it is, but even over the phone I think they can see my eyelashes fluttering.”

It’s all in vain though … the tiles have arrived but not in time to avoid the restrictive noise restriction rules.

Another week, another crisis for Tinderlings Andrew and Whitney. Their three shower screen frames don’t match in height because the floor isn’t level.

“After 10 weeks of renovating, it turns out we’re not experts,” says Andrew, showing a real flair for his next career as a fortune teller.

Still in a crisis are Suzi and Vonni, with their tilers walking off the job when they realise they’ll have to pull an all-nighter to finish the bathroom. But they’re saved when Caro and Kingi’s builder comes to the rescue – with a kebab as payment. Delicious.

Caro and Kingi’s smugness continues – they’re so ahead of the reveal deadline that they’re ironing cushions. Guys, if you’re bored, there’s plenty of other real things to do.

The judges arrive and head first for Kingi and Caro’s bedroom. They’re splitting hairs by criticising exposed screws in the wardrobe and a gap in the top of the unit. 

To Shay and Dean’s ensuite, where Darren – resplendent in a plum cardigan AND a navy blazer – is sent into masses of excitement at the gold taps and spout of the vanity.

But the lack of a towel rail could cost the penthouse pets.

Over to Luke and Ebony’s guest bedroom, Darren puts the wardrobe copying spat between Caro and Ebony to bed by determining Ebony copied Caro. 

Caro is less than impressed.

Also less than impressed – Andrew, when told Neale presumed he and Whitney “at their best” were behind Luke and Ebony’s room.

“Get stuffed!” he scoffs.

The real Andrew and Whitney stand up, but may as well not have. Andrew vainly hopes the judges will see the concept and not nitpick at finishes. Mate, how long have you been on this show again? That’s their job!

And finally to the master ensuite, the palace of pain for Suzi and Vonni. 

“Does anyone else feel like they’ve stepped into the bizarro version of Suzi and Vonni’s first bathroom?” Darren asks.

The answer is yes, but to no matter – the room feels like a day spa, apart from the little glitches to do with tiles and execution.

With a $15,000 prize as winners, Shay and Dean are walking away with a massive grin. Just half a point behind, Caro and Kingi win $10,000 and Luke and Ebony take $5000 as third-place getters. 

Next week, the winners get to have first pick at auction order. Cue fireworks.