The Block 2018 bathroom week reveal recap: The drama comes out in the wash

Who would’ve thought a simple room — a toilet, a tub, a shower head, a vanity, tiles and maybe some heating — could cause so much drama? So. Much. Drama.

Well, we would’ve, of course. That’s right, dear viewers and fellow Block aficionados, we have another week of dramatics over a room which really serves one purpose: to get you clean. And you’d think that this year’s contenders would have done a bit of research and noticed that this is a room that gets every team in trouble every season. There’s only been 13 seasons before this one. But no. We still have teams in trouble. Bah-bow.

But of course, Jess is already giving us the line of the episode and we’re only four minutes in. Of her decision to put a two metre-tall tree into her bathroom, she says: “I’m puttin’ a tree in the bathroom. Rich people love ’em. I read it.” Which begs the question: what do poor and medium-income people have against trees?

Sure doesn’t look like a money tree to us. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block

Meanwhile, back at the teams in trouble section, Spence is doing his own tiling. Sure, Spence, treat this like my parents have treated their home renovation. They bought the place in 2001 and still haven’t finished. That’s the speed at which you should go if you’re supposed to renovate one room each week for several months. Good one.

This is the face of a man who realises his efforts are a disaster. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block

Later, he says he is out of his comfort zone and he would prefer to take his time. Did he check what show he was applying for?!

Finally, with some help from Bianca and Norm, Spence is given some help of his own, and Carla and Bianca’s tiler gets in to make the right cuts. Crisis averted?

• Related: Sara and Hayden made wrong choice: Domain’s Alice Stolz
• Related: Critical elements overlooked when renovating
• Related: The Block week 1 recap: Teams fear worst house on best street

Hayden and Sara are going green and have installed a vertical garden in their bathroom. Now, I like a plant as much as the next person (and perhaps a whole lot more given I spent last weekend hunting for even more indoor plants), but this just doesn’t quite seem to work. It’s pretty high up the wall and doesn’t have an inbuilt watering system. So unless you’re seven foot tall, or Bianca or Carla, then making sure it stays lush is going to be tough.

But upon its installation, Sara declares: “It’s in. We’re amazing.” This shtick won’t get tired at all…

Anyway, back to the drama. Norm and Jess are suddenly feeling let down upon realising that their bath is actually fibreglass, rather than stone. Yep. Rather than penthouse luxe, they’ve got display home bland. Fortunately for Jess’ standing with the judges, she’s found a stone bath wholesaler who can deliver after 7.30pm on a Saturday, proving that KMart is not the only place to buy items for the home at such a socialable hour.

Speaking of the judges, here they are, back for another season of design and sartorial splendour. First to Kerrie and Spence’s apartment, where uber-stylish Shaynna Blaze quickly declares “absolute knockout execution” … until she sees the discrepancy between the floor and wall tile lines.

And of course, once you see it, you can’t unsee it… Photo: Channel Nine/The Block

Neale Whitaker urges the couple to take a risk (“I don’t know how to, really,” says Kerrie) because their room is very polite. Is that code for boring?

Terrazzo, terrazzo, terrazzo is all the judges can talk about in the next apartment, Courtney and Hans’, and it’s that choice of material that they say makes it stand out from Kerrie and Spence’s.

To Hayden and Sara’s, and the judges are not impressed. At all. “I’m not liking anything I’m seeing here,” says Whitaker, sounding a lot like me on many dates I have been on. “I’m completely overwhelmed by [the vertical garden] … this feels so over the top.”

It’s a “no” from them. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block

Darren Palmer also throws shade on Hayden and Sara’s plans to continue a heritage theme through their apartment, suggesting buyers will want something much more modern. This leaves Sara cold and confused. She looks about as happy at axing cornices from her life as Pete Evans would at axing his paleo diet.

These are two seriously unimpressed people. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block

The judges are rapt with Jess and Norm’s bathroom and height and tree choice, but Jess has been fleeced on Gumtree. She paid stone bathtub prices for a plastic replica. (There’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.)

Plastic not-so-fantastic. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block

The judges don’t seem to mind, though, and Jess and Norm breathe a sigh of relief … temporarily, with storage queen Blaze scolding them for a lack of storage.

Finally, we reach Bianca and Carla’s penthouse and the judges are again in awe at ceiling heights. But the euphoric feeling is short-lived, as Whitaker spots the frosted window decals that look like they came from KMart. Modesty is important (the decals were installed to prevent the neighbours from getting an eyeful of anyone taking a shower, but still…). And they’ve failed Shaynna’s storage test.

So, the winners by half a point are Courtney and Hans.

When victory sneaks up on you. Photo: Channel Nine/The Block

Next week: guest bedroom week. Catch you again soon.

Final scores

Courtney and Hans: 25.5

Bianca and Carla: 25

Norm and Jess: 24.5

Kerrie and Spence: 22.5

Hayden and Sara: 21.5