The Block 2018 challenge apartment week two reveal recap: Semi-naked tradies and a surprise piano

“And as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever.” So sang a little-known singer by the nom de plume of Vitamin C, whose song, Graduation (Friends Forever), has grown much more famous than she ever will be. As one of millions who has sung it at some form of school graduation, its very existence is a scar in my life.

This final room reveal episode of The Block for 2018 is a bit like a school graduation. Contestants are crying at the thought of leaving, but, like I thought when singing that song, there is no chance they will be friends forever. Well, not all of them anyway.

And so it is true when the plans for the last night’s “painting party” (gee, sounds like a right laugh. Count me out) are discussed … and, well, awkwardly, Sara and Hayden aren’t invited because they won’t help the rest. What was that line again? Oh yes, “friends forever”. Not so much.

Sara finally concedes she’s hard work but also suggests she’s a shit-stirrer. Why? “Because it’s funny.” Oh, the bliss of being in a reality TV bubble.

Also not a surprise is Courtney doubting her style in the most important room of the apartment: the kitchen. Never before have we seen so much self-doubt on The Block in someone who is actually capable.

Related: View the five Gatwick apartments for sale

• Kerrie and Spence: 1/34 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda
• Hans and Courtney: 2/34 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda
• Sara and Hayden: 3/34 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda
• Norm and Jess: 4/34 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda
• Bianca and Carla: 5/34 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda

Meanwhile, Bianca and Carla’s tradies have got their duds off again and donned red budgie smugglers (no one actually knows why) with The Block logo emblazoned across the posterior. I’m going to need therapy.

And it wouldn’t be a recap without a weird facial expression from Jess.

After a strange montage showing just how isolated Hayden and Sara are from the other four couples (“they brought it on themselves” seems to be the reason) and the last last-minute flurry of activity, the judges arrive.

First to Hans and Courtney’s kitchen, where Neale Whitaker is effusive. They have delivered the kitchen of his dreams. Darren Palmer causes confusion when he says he wants to describe the room with “WTF” (why the face, obvs), later clarifying that he loves it. “It’s hot,” says Daz.

“If you needed an advertisement for luxury St Kilda living, this is it,” says Whitaker.

“It is sensual,” Shaynna Blaze says of the bench top. Palmer says the whole kitchen is sensual. I’m just left thinking: “Get a room.” Oh wait.

In Hayden and Sara’s hallway, laundry and powder room, the artwork and lighting win praise but Whitaker again takes aim at the styling of the hall table, reminiscent of the last time they tried it.

“They have a tendency to plonk things down rather than style,” he says. Blaze also picks fault with the paint finishes but the laundry (“exceptional,” says Palmer) picks her mood up, as does the study.

“I think this is the best thing I’ve seen them deliver all season,” says Whitaker of the study.

Norm and Jess are next to face the music for their dining room but their pink neon “it’s all good” sign was not a great start. While appropriate for the apartment, and the dining table was simply beautiful, Palmer was not a fan of the rather odd corner occasional table, complete with photo of co-host Shelley Craft.

Jess is left confused about interior design because her dining room scored well. “I pretty much walk away from The Block with as much wisdom as I’ve come in with. Nothing!”

Into the living room, designed by Bianca and Carla, and Blaze’s face says it all.

After an eerie silence, Whitaker declares: “There’s something slightly weird going on here. Sorry.” The pom-poms on the throw rug and the cushion make him think of a dead clown.

Carla is not impressed that a colourful cushion with a pom-pom would make Whitaker think of a clown. “The man’s seeing things, I think … I question if something’s happened in his childhood that he’s frightened of clowns.”

Blaze says the living room doesn’t match the rest of the apartment, and Whitaker says it’s not up to Carla and Bianca’s usual standard.

Blaze claims Carla and Bianca clocked off a week ago. “I see panic here,” she says, after savaging their efforts compared with the rest of the apartment.

“It feels low-cost … too young,” says Palmer. “It feels cheap and it’s really letting the apartment down,” says Whitaker.

So it’s pretty much curtains for Bianca and Carla’s chances of getting more cash off the all-important reserve.

Kerrie and Spence’s key piece in the terrace is a baby grand piano. And now I am jealous.

“This is the lounge room this apartment needs,” says Palmer.

The judges look far too comfortable as they sit at the window bar and drink red wine, before Whitaker plays the baby grand (with help from Alexa, natch) and Blaze sings (extremely well). Whitaker feels “very Liberace”.

Final scores

1. Courtney and Hans: 29

2. Kerrie and Spence: 28.5

3. Hayden and Sara: 27

4. Norm and Jess: 26.5

5. Bianca and Carla: 21.5

This means that Courtney and Hans now have $40,000 off their reserve come auction (and they’ll need it, too. Theirs has the lowest asking price of all five). Hayden and Sara now have $25,000 off their reserve, Kerrie and Spence $15,000, Bianca and Carla $10,000 and Jess and Norm zero. This failure to place during the challenge apartments could really cost the Queenslanders. The winner of The Block is the couple whose sale price is the highest above their reserve. Not getting a discount when Bianca and Carla are such tough competition could be their biggest mistake.

Also don’t discount Kerrie and Spence’s chances. A cashed-up downsizer market will target a ground-floor apartment with that kitchen in a heartbeat.

Join me next week when, as punishment for being mildly amusing (at best) this season, I will live blog coverage of the auctions. Jokes, I love it.

And then we’ll do it all again next year, just around the corner from The Gatwick.