At The Block there are just as many ups and downs as Victorian parents grappling with the children returning to school after weeks of needing an afternoon “grape juice” to cope with endless Zoom classes.
Jimmy and Tam have managed to set a Block record for the earliest room finish – two nights before reveal. Jasmin has a teary birthday after chatting to her kids back in Perth and Harry chucks the toys out of the cot after a fight with Keith and Dan, threatening to walk off The Block.
There is truly nothing better than a tantrum thrown on national television.
Scotty decided to host Jimmy, Tam, Daniel and Jade for a snag on the barbie at his place to celebrate finishing their rooms early, before tools down.
Meanwhile the other Blockheads have been struggling. Jasmin was just not feeling herself and needed some reassurance from mum about her styling choices.
Harry and Tash got very emosh after getting a coffee delivered by their neighbours Sarah and George just before tools down, the poor things.
Now time for judging.
Before he gets started, Scotty tells the teams that whoever wins this week gets to take home a snazzy new Mustang … just for the week. Good one Scotty, dangle some joy during a pandemic and then cruelly rip it away.
Harry and Tash, as always, are up first with the biggest space being delivered this week. Hopefully, this impresses the judges.
Walking in, Shaynna says, “This just feels grand.” Darren replies with, “It’s remarkable how big this feels.”
All three judges are very impressed with how the couple have laid out the furniture – it’s in the usual way but it really works.
Neale says, “I feel like I am walking in here and seeing the work of a professional designer.” That is some serious chops Neale is giving Tash here, followed by several “ooohs” from her fellow contestants.
“I love this, I love it so much,” says Darren, “to leave such a volume of space, that is luxury, that is what people pay for.”
The only thing Neale was not happy with was the lighting. “You’ve got no lamps,” he said, and he also had issues with the lack of evening light for the future owners.
“It is spectacular, it has been so cleverly done,” he added when the judges headed over to the massive void feature in the living space. Darren says “It’s pretty close to perfect.”
“To think that Harry and Tash lost the Brighton beach box challenge and this is the house no one wanted – I think they have done it justice,” says Shaynna.
“Coming last was their lucky break,” adds Neale. Scotty finishes with: “Don’t think you’re coming last with that feedback.”
View The Block properties for sale
House 1, Harry and Tash: 364 New Street, Brighton
House 2, Sarah and George: 362B New Street, Brighton
House 3, Daniel and Jade: 362A New Street, Brighton
House 4, Luke and Jasmin: 360B New Street, Brighton
House 5, Jimmy and Tam: 360A New Street, Brighton
Now it’s Sarah and George’s turn. They are yet to have a win and are itching for some extra cash this week.
“Wow, wow, wow,” says Shaynna as she strolls straight over the fireplace. “Why do you think I stood right here?” says Darren as they get warmed up.
Darren is loving the solid concrete base of the fireplace, but thinks the white brickwork is “a debatable choice”.
He thinks it gives it a country feel and that is interesting because “of all the houses, this is the house that feels the least like it is in a beachside location”.
Shaynna personally likes it, then all of a sudden Darren takes back the country feel comment but backs himself into a corner by saying the home does not feel beachy.
“Does it need to feel beachy, though?” says Neale. Are we about to see a designer fight?
Also being a proud Melburnian currently trapped in my house-jail, I am not sure I would consider Brighton a “beachy” suburb, it’s more of a ridiculous-amounts-of-cash-and-huge-cars type of vibe.
Beachy gives me an impression of relaxation, and Brighton to me is not full of relaxed residents, I mean, even Karen from Brighton is leaving after having walked all of it, headed for the sunshine state.
Neale says the monochrome colour palette is “starting to become unrelenting”, given it is already throughout most of the home, and is “a little bit too cold and unwelcoming, I would have loved to have seen some warmth.”
The couple probably figured that the fireplace would provide the judges with the warmth they were after.
Sarah and George are not happy Jan to say the least, with the comments about their colour choices. Sarah says, “Well that’s my house, so you know what, I’m not going to stop it.”
Oh gosh, to then top it off Neale spots that this room also has no lamps.
“When will the contestants get this right, I mean what do they do at home?”
“Flashlights,” says Darren.
Well that settles it. Us regular lampless Joes have an abundance of torches at home, because the downlights are simply not enough to guide us to our slumber in the evening.
“It’s a couch, it’s a couple of dining chairs, there isn’t as much interest in here that makes me want to languish as much as next door,” adds Shaynna. Boy, are they getting a roasting here. “I’m just not feeling it.”
They then move into the dining space and Darren says the table is just too small for this sized home.
He says the kitchen is large and for entertaining so you need a space to actually entertain. He also thinks the house lacks the ability to emotionally entice buyers and it is at this moment that I start to feel sorry for Sarah and George because it’s clear they are not this week’s winners – again.
Our kitchen week winners are up and I hope the judges have had a latte to decompress from the last house visit.
“Woah, that is spectacular,” says Shaynna as she notices the couple’s statement curvy wall.
“This is the house of curves,” she adds, and the camera then immediately pans to Jasmin’s face and she is trying so badly to hold in an eye roll because she, of course, has had curves first in The Block.
As we know from previous weeks, Darren is a fan of literally getting a feel of the room and cannot resist the texture of this wall. “I’m in sultry, moody heaven,” he says.
“The lighting is perfect, that curve in the ceiling, that would not have been easy,” says Shaynna. “It’s stunning, absolutely stunning.”
“I love a sexy dining table, and this is a sexy dining table,” she notes.
Darren adds, “It is a sexy room.” They are all vibing this room so much, it almost feels awkward to watch.
Yet again, we have a lamp-related issue, or lack thereof. “But there are still no bloody lamps,” groans Neale. Again.
“Daniel and Jade should be really proud of this whole space, because this is the sort of space that will sell this house,” says Darren as they wrap up.
Luke and Jasmin are next on the list for the judges now and they are hoping to get some points for their styling, after Jasmin has had an emotional week trying to perfect things.
As soon as they walk in, Shaynna tells the guys, “I match!” And she is looking schmick in her power suit.
Neale said, “Now this does feel like a beach house.” “Yes, it does,” replies Darren.
“This is photoshoot-ready,” Darren says and it seems at this stage they are all enjoying the space the couple have put together.
Neale thinks Luke and Jasmin have given us a “reworking of the Hamptons aesthetic, which we know is so incredibly popular in Australia”.
Briiiighton is somewhat “Melbourne’s Hamptons,” I suppose, although you would have to fight Sorrento for the title.
Again though, you guessed it – “No lamps,” says Neale. Ugh, stop trying to make lamps happen, Neale.
And the storage queen cannot locate anywhere to put things, and we all know you need a spot to put your “throewws” for your “carrrrch”, like Prue and Trude say.
Shaynna also says the fireplace “is really odd that it’s shoved in the corner”. “I’m in the naughty corner,” says Neale.
Scotty says to the couple, “It is a beautiful room, but form follows function, the location of the fireplace is an issue the judges cannot overlook.”
“It’s not comfortable to be sat next to, it’s wasted visually, yeah frustrating,” says Darren, taking the seat closest to the “naughty fireplace”.
Neale calls it a “dealbreaker” and “expensive to shift” for the next buyer.
Lucky last are Jimmy and Tam, and they have controversially not included a dining table in their living and dining space.
They must not have read the info pack on Brighton before getting there, because the ability to throw a dinner party is a must.
And let there be lamp, because Neale is rapt as soon as he walks in to see one shining beside the couch.
Shaynna is also happy to see some storage and so far Jimmy and Tam are ticking a lot of boxes the other contestants have not.
“It is a little tight,” says Darren. “I’ve seen more living space in small apartments,” adds Neale.
They then realise that there is no dining table.
“It’s not another living area they need, it’s a formal dining area,” says Darren. “In a family home, where there are four or five bedrooms and an entertainer’s kitchen, I think it is a massive, massive misstep.”
“What were they thinking?!” asks Shaynna and Neale thinks they have misjudged themselves this week. “This is not adequate.”
Neale finishes off today’s judging, on a rather sour note. “All we have done is fix problems since entering this room, so this room is a complete fail.”
The other contestants are very shocked to hear that from Neale but after his performance over lamps, I am not as surprised.
Next week the teams will need to finish their entire upstairs level and hopefully Sarah and George finally get a win on the board.
Final scores:
Harry and Tash 28.5
Daniel and Jade 28
Sarah and George 25
Luke and Jasmin 24.5
Jimmy and Tam 21.5