When house hunting feels like dating: House types reimagined as life partners

Buying a house can be as big a commitment as getting married, so it’s no surprise that looking for a house can feel a lot like dating.

Like potential life partners, there are all sorts of potential homes out there. Some get your heart racing, but bring a sense of danger. Others, while perhaps a tad boring, are ones you’d be happy to introduce to your parents.

Here are nine house types you might recognise from the dating scene.

1.
The “out of your league” house

You admire from afar and maybe get close enough to bravely say hello. You admire the glamour, the drop-dead good looks and the sophistication. Late at night, you fantasise that maybe you’re in with a shot. But the truth is that this one’s out of your league.

It’s good to aim high and, who knows, maybe one day something like this could be yours. But for now, be content with the warm feelings you get when you look at the perfect proportions, the entertaining possibilities and the thoughts of what you could get up to in the massive bedroom.

2.
The rebel without a cause

Imagine living in the Brunswick house made famous by a Beyonce music video. Photo: kokkai

The sensible side of you knows that this house is totally unsuitable but, oh wow, how your heart races at just how gorgeously unsuitable it is. You know your Mum would freak out if you ever told her you were considering buying this, but your adolescent self (which remains in all of us not matter how we’ve aged) doesn’t care one bit!

It might be the house or the suburb that yells “rebel”, but it sure yells it loudly. Who needs cupboards, natural light or a laundry? Who cares about the noise from the grunge music venue next door or the drug-dealing reputation of the neighbourhood? This house is cool and maybe, if you lived here, you would be too.

3.
The work-affair house

It’s close to work, and that’s about it. Photo: istock

Like relationships that begin at work (simply because you are there so much you don’t meet anyone else), this house is perfect for one big reason – it’s close to work. How convenient would it be to scrap the big commute and simply waltz a couple of blocks on foot at either end of the work day. Sure, when you leave this job it might lose some appeal but, for now, it’s a winner for your work-life balance.

4.
The geek-in-need-of-a-makeover house

You’ve seen the makeover movies. You could do that to this house, couldn’t you? Photo: Getty Images

The house is pretty average on every level but (and this is a big but) it’s already connected to the NBN, has oodles of power points and fully fitted charging stations. And have you seen the state-of-the-art home theatre? You’ve seen the movies where the geek gets a makeover and ends up being, not only brilliant, but gorgeous. You could do that to this house, couldn’t you?

5.
The Insta-perfect house

Pretty as a picture. Just think of your Instagram feed. Photo: Stocksy

So many photo opportunities! The rose-covered garden arch, the window seat, the sun shining in through the cut-glass panes. It’s an Instagrammer’s dream. This one’s all about the image, baby #nofilter.

6.
The Tinder lie house

This house talks itself up, but is it all that? Photo: istock

Online, this house is perfection. Every line in the description makes it sound like this is the house you’ve been waiting for all your life. The photos are magical, full of sunshine and rooms just waiting for your presence.

In real life, it turns out that there’s been a touch of exaggeration and clever use of selective camera angles. While it wasn’t an out-and-out lie, it’s what it didn’t say (or show) that was the deal breaker. Now you’ll just have to deal with the wasted time and emotion.

7.
The happily take home to meet your Mum house

It’s a solid contender but you don’t love it. Photo: istock

This is a solid contender. There’s no rebel here, no insta-perfectness, no geekville. This one is a safe bet, no hidden catches, no drama awaiting. Unfortunately, there’s also no joy or excitement. A good practical house, one that your Mum would be happy to tell all her friends about, pleased at how well her offspring has done. Just don’t say the word “boring” and everything might turn out OK.

8.
The “look at moi” house

This one has the wow factor. Imagine what you friends will say. Photo: istock

This house is all about making people whisper behind your back: “How on earth did they manage to score that?” The wow factor is so strong, you don’t care whether or not you even like it (or whether you can sustain the heart-stopping mortgage). Envious glances from your friends are all that matters.

9.
The “we just clicked” house

It might not be perfect but the idea of making some changes doesn’t scare you. Photo: istock

You’re not sure what it is, but this one gives you a spring in your step and everything about it feels like an inspiring breath of fresh air. It might not be perfect but the idea of making some changes doesn’t scare you. It’s in your price range with maybe just a little left over. There’s simply something about this one that feels just right. This one might just be a keeper.